Dining Etiquette: Let’s talk about…

Seating…

Never take your seat before being invited to do so by your host or hostess. If there are no assigned seats, sit about two thirds down from the table from where the host or hostess will sit; on the left side of the table as the host or hostess sees it. There is no need to stand for introductions, only toasts. Stay seated throughout the entire meal unless you must use the restroom or there is an emergency. Say “excuse me” before leaving the table.

Calling the waiter…

Only do so if you must and call the waiter by trying to gain eye contact through raising one’s hand to just below shoulder height and indicating that you need service (do not wave, snap or yell). Say “Excuse me” if the waiter does not see you but be patient. When the waiter comes to you be brief, discreet and polite in your request followed by “thank you.”

Napkin use…

The meal begins when the host or hostess unfolds his or her napkin. Follow the host or hostess and unfold your napkin and place it on your lap (completely unfolded). It remains on your lap for the entire meal, unless using it to gently blot your mouth or to leave the table. If you do leave the table or need to stand for a toast, place the napkin on the back of your chair. Ladies, while seated place your purse under your napkin. Never wipe your silverware with your napkin. If a utensil of yours is dirty politely and discreetly ask a waiter to replace it. The host or hostess will signal the end of the meal by placing his or her napkin on the table. Once the meal is over, you too should place your napkin folded on the table to the left of your plate.

Ordering from the menu…

Usually the menu is chosen ahead of time in formal dining settings. If you have dietary needs, express this to the organizer or waiter in advance, if possible. If you have to order and are unsure of what to select, ask the waiter any questions- when in doubt, always ask! Try to order something in a mid-price range. Never order the most expensive item unless the host or hostess says, “I think you’d enjoy the prime rib here” then it is all right and polite to do so, even if it is the most expensive menu item.

Conversation…

There are three main rules for guests to observe at a formal function regarding conversation:

  • Never use profanity, for any reason whatsoever.
  • Never shout. Do not even raise your voice above a polite level.
  • Refrain from using your hands to emphasize what you are saying.

Additionally, manners never go out of style so always say “please and thank you” to everyone from the bus boy to the host/hostess to the waiter throughout the meal. In terms of conversation, talk about subjects you know. Appropriate topics include local or national news events, books, history, technology or even sports. Avoid personal questions or disclosing your personal stories, unless asked, and refrain from discussing politics or anything inappropriate or grim (i.e. negative news stories). Use nonverbal cues such as eye contact, smiles when appropriate and nods when in agreement. Look interested in the conversation, even if you are not, you might learn something.

How to hold your knife and fork…

In the American style, one cuts the food by holding the knife in the right hand and the fork in the left hand with the fork tines holding the food on the plate. The right method is to cut a few bite-size pieces of food, then place your knife across the top edge of your plate with the sharp edge of the blade facing inwards and towards you. Then change your fork from your left hand into your right hand to eat with the fork facing up. If you are left-handed, keep your fork in your left hand, tines facing up. When in doubt, follow the lead of the host.

The end of the meal…

Never push your plate away from you when you are finished eating. Leave your plate where it is and it will be collected by the waiter. Never try to help your waiter or attempt to hand him or her your plate. The most common way to inform the waiter you are finished is to lay your fork and knife together across your plate. Place your knife and fork side by side, with the sharp side of the blade facing inward and the fork, tines up, to the left of the knife, both of the handles nearest to you. Leave any unused silverware on the table. It is also always inappropriate to ask for leftovers. If the waiter asks say, “Thank you, but no.” Stand up when the host or hostess rises from the table and before you leave make it a point to say “goodbye, it was nice meeting you and thank you” to all you spoke to/met and especially to your host/hostess. Leave a lasting, positive impression.

Additional Information: “The Etiquette of Formal and Business Dining” http://www.bizforum.org/etiquette.htm

Do’s and Don’ts of Business Dining

  • Do arrive at least 10 minutes early unless otherwise specified.
  • Do shake the hands of new acquaintances and say “Nice to meet you.”
  • Do keep elbows of the table.
  • Don’t sit down until your host invites you to sit down.
  • Do cover your mouth then turn away from your plate and others when coughing or sneezing.
  • Do say “Please” and “Thank You.”
  • Don’t leave the table unless you must use the restroom or in case of an emergency.
  • Don’t use profanity for any reason.
  • Don’t shout or raise your voice above a polite level.
  • Do refrain from using your hands to emphasize what you are saying.
  • Don’t interrupt when someone is speaking. Wait until you’re sure he/she has finished before adding your own thoughts.
  • Don’t talk about controversial subjects such as politics and religion.
  • Do wait until your party is seated and served before eating.
  • Do turn off cell phones before dinner begins.
  • Do excuse yourself from the table and step outside of the restaurant if you must make or take a phone call.
  • Do unfold your napkin when the host unfolds his/her napkin.
  • Don’t remove your napkin until you are done with your meal.
  • Do pass food from the left to the right.
  • Don’t chew with your mouth open or make loud noises when eating.
  • Do hold knife in your right hand and with the fork on your left hand when cutting food.
  • Do cut a few pieces of food before you transfer your fork from the left and begin to eat.
  • Do use your butter knife for anytime of spread.
  • Don’t use a toothpick or apply makeup at the table.
  • Don’t push your dishes away from you or stack them for the waiter when you are finished.
  • Do use the outermost fork to your left to eat your salad.
  • Do spoon your soup away from you.
  • Don’t leave your spoon in your soup bowl or cup.
  • Do remain calm if you spill a beverage or drop an item.
  • Don’t clean up spills with your own napkin or touch items that have dropped on the floor.
  • Do politely ask your server to clean up and bring a replacement for dirty utensils
  • Do twirl your pasta around fork and into a spoon if provided, and then place it in your mouth.
  • Don’t put one end of noodle in your mouth and slurp.
  • Don’t ask the waiter for a “doggy bag”.
  • Do pass salt and pepper shakers together, even if a table mate only asks for one.
  • Do set any passed items, whether salt and pepper shakers, a bread basket, or a butter plate, directly on the table instead of passing hand-to-hand.
  • Do transfer butter or spreads from the serving dish to your plate before spreading or eating.
  • Don't blow on your food to cool it off. If it is too hot to eat, take the hint and wait.

Source: http://whatscookingamerica.net/Menu/DiningEtiquetteGuide.htm

Formal Place Setting Guide

1. Butter Knife
2. Dessert Spoon
3. Dessert Fork
4. Water Glass
5. Champagne Glass
6. Red Wine Glass
7. White Wine Glass
8. Soup Spoon
9. Dinner Spoon
10. Dinner Knife
11. Dinner Fork
12. Salad Fork

General rule of thumb: “From the outside in” or when in doubt, just copy what an older person at your table does.

Feedback Form