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7 Tips for Parents

Monday, Oct 5, 2009

There is no formal training required for becoming a parent. While some people are lucky enough to rely on the experience of their own childhood and use their own parents as role models for good parenting, others are not so lucky. In fact, their experience from childhood often serves as a warning of what not do as a parent. For the latter, parenthood can feel like navigating a vessel without a compass — a bewildering task, to say the least. One of the most challenging tasks parents face has to do with disciplining and setting structure for their children. We know from experience and research that parents who are either too strict or too lenient can cause unintended problems down the line.

Below are some suggestions that can help parents facilitate smoother interactions with their children.

1. Practice discipline, not punishment. It is well-established that children do well when they know what is expected of them and the consequences of their actions. It is also well-established that punishment yields more problems than it solves. Corporal punishment, such as spanking, increases the likelihood that the child will model aggression in the future. Furthermore, children who are punished are more likely simply to hide their actions, rather than behave out of some inner conviction of what is right or wrong, appropriate or inappropriate.

2. Anticipate difficulties. Discipline not only entails intervening when the child has done something wrong, but, more importantly, anticipating problematic behavior and intervening beforehand. If we know, for example, that our child is likely to get restless at a restaurant while waiting for the food, we are better off anticipating the situation and preparing for it.

A parent may bring half a bagel to “hold the child over” while the food comes. Or he may make sure he has some activity, such as crayons and paper to occupy the child.

Often, the child can be encouraged to bring a small toy or a favorite book that distracts him or her. The possibilities are endless. What doesn’t work as well is to expect the child to sit quietly, while instructing him to behave without providing some alternatives. This is what I call setting the child up for misbehavior, so that we can intervene reactively.

Read the rest of this piece at:  http://www.venturacountystar.com/news/2009/oct/04/7-tips-for-02/



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