Given second chance at life, young woman helps others through hospice

At 32, Michelle Wulfestieg has survived two strokes, the first at age 11.

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Michelle Wulfestieg is the author of "All We Have is Today: A Story of Discovering Purpose" and executive director of the Southern California Hospice Foundation.

Michelle Wulfestieg met the love of her life in a class about death and dying.

It’s not surprising if you know Wulfestieg. At age 11, she suffered a devastating stroke. She and her mother were told then that the lesion in her brain was inoperable and that she may not live to see her 30th birthday.

She almost didn’t, after suffering a second stroke when she was 25.

In her memoir, “All We Have Is Today,” Wulfestieg, now 32, talks about her survival and how it motivated her to work with hospice patients.

“Through each of my experiences, I realized that what’s important in life is not quantity, but quality,” said the Newport Beach resident.

Wulfestieg knew that even as a 12-year-old. She was a valedictorian in junior high school despite being confined to a wheelchair and bullied because her hair was falling out due to the side effects of treatment.

In high school, she played for the volleyball team all four years even though her right arm and leg were paralyzed and she walked with a limp. She managed to serve with one arm.

“I was the worst player on the team,” she says with a laugh, “but the most enthusiastic.”

She learned to tie her shoe laces with one hand and write with her left hand.

The thought of impending death didn’t intimidate her. Instead, she felt inspired. She climbed the Great Wall of China. She made a trip to see the Taj Mahal in India. She participated in service projects in Africa.

“My travels opened my eyes to the world,” she said. “I felt like my problems are not significant compared to what millions of people are going through. That’s when I thought I can use my experiences and my suffering to help others.”

So, she took a death and dying class in her senior year of college at California Lutheran University in Thousand Oaks. As part of the class, each student was required to spend time with a terminally ill patient who was in hospice. When Wulfestieg first met the patient to whom she was assigned, she asked her: “What would you like to do?”

She wanted to read. So, three times a week, Wulfestieg read to her. The patient passed away in two months. To Wulfestieg’s surprise, her family asked her to deliver the eulogy at the woman’s memorial service. Wulfestieg learned later that the 84-year-old woman got a clock in her room because she looked forward to her reading hour.

When Wulfestieg went back to class, she found out there was another student who was asked to give the eulogy at his patient’s funeral. She married that man six months later.

“He proposed to me in spite of knowing that I had a lower life expectancy,” she said.

He stood by her after she suffered her second stroke. This time, doctors said a high-risk surgery to remove the lesion would be necessary if she were to survive. Even if it were removed, doctors told her mother and husband, she would not be able to walk, talk or see.

After the surgery, doctors offered little hope. Wulfestieg’s best friend wrote her eulogy, as she was in a coma. But her husband refused to let her go. He refused to take her off life support.

“He knew I would come back,” Wulfestieg said. “And I did.”

Looking back, she says she underwent what she can only call a spiritual experience when she was in a coma and felt God’s presence. She calls it the “place of prayers.”

“My eyes were closed, but I could hear prayers in every language and was surrounded by this beautiful light,” she said.

She remained in that blissful state until she awoke from her coma, eight days after surgery. She didn’t even know her name. In the months that followed, she learned to walk, talk, dress herself and use the computer. Wulfestieg believes she was healed in her “place of prayers.” Because, as it turned out, her surgery was successful.

She got her master’s degree in Organizational Leadership from Chapman University in 2008 – the same year she suffered her stroke. Wulfestieg talked about that emotional moment when she got up from her wheelchair and walked across the stage to get her degree.

“I get teary thinking about it today,” she said. “I never thought I’d make it to that day.”

Her right arm and leg are still paralyzed. She typed her book with one hand. But, she now has a normal life expectancy.

She also serves as the executive director of the Southern California Hospice Foundation, an organization that aims to improve quality of life for terminally ill individuals and help fulfill their final wishes – whether it’s taking a trip to Disneyland or meeting an astronaut.

Wulfestieg believes she was given a second chance at life to help others. The first question she always asks patients is: “What makes you happy?”

“I hope I can play a part in helping complete their lives – whether it’s a goodbye, love or forgiveness,” she says. “What gives me personal satisfaction is knowing that I make a difference, that I’m here to serve a greater purpose. What can be more fulfilling than providing people with dignity, comfort and closure in their final days?”

--- Published in the Orange County Register on Nov. 17, 2014

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